Empowered To Embrace My Life

It's hard to explain when I don't know what I feel
It's hard to admit that these feelings are real.
I'm scared to look in the mirror and see
My eyes and their depth; how far down it might be.
This heaviness, pain, loneliness, fear
Yet I'm blessed for my family that I treasure so dear.
And as much as they may not ever understand
They love me; I have them, I can move beyond
I am as strong as I will myself to be
My body will follow, if it's meant to be.
I am determined although I may fail
To get up again and again for each trial
And prove to myself; if no one else will know
That I own a place in this that is my own
And I will fill it with one hundred percent
With a smile on my face although I feel spent
Because I'm grateful for living and being loved
And for teaching myself I can if I must;
If I will it, I want it, I'll dig it out from inside

That will help me continue, I'll admit, with some pride!

I'm learning to love who I am inside
And acknowledge the power;
This moment is another chance to try.
---
written 2013

My Eyes, My Heart, My Soul

My eyes keep looking
Searching
Darting back and forth
For what; where does it exist
This thing to to fill it's void-
To forgive, to love, explain
How pain can be replaced
Not by shallow confusion
But by infinitely deep truth
Beyond my sight.
My eyes keep looking
Searching, seeking
Desperate to close in
Its tears, its fears
But seems forced to see
What lies around me;
Tears, tears, tears.
Without a choice
I've lost control
And somehow deep within
I know only one thing
Every tired tear
Soaks up His infinite heart
As He adds more of His own
Until my eyes, my heart, my soul
Feel sated with that knowledge
My eyes can rest
My heart beats slow
My mind relaxes
And this tiring journey
Seems not as painful
Because I own this moment
Of truth.
---
written 2013