Tears

Tears of joy, of gratefulness

Tears of longing and pain. 

Tears of prayer and regret

Tears of hope renewed.

Tears so salty, bitter and stained

Pouring from my heart.

Tears so sweet, so plentiful

Soak up your open arms.

Tears I share and let free

Unashamed as you search

My eyes.

I am here, awaiting

You to celebrate with me

With tears

Life, living it

With all we have

And sharing all we own.

---

written 2012

For You

For you

To make you happy

When it's too quiet

And you're left

With too much empty time.

A chance to remember

The great times we had

Our shared secrets, discussions

Laughter and work.

It's not gone, just carefully packaged

In our hearts

Creating a safe place for us

Whenever we need.

I'm glad we got the chance

To discover our friendship

And let it grow.

It's not gone, just carefully packaged

In our hearts.

---

written 2012

Gratefuls

There's so much to be grateful for

Even when many things are sad

I can't even count them all

And for that I'm mighty glad.

I just want to write some down

To remember when I forget

So I can thank G-d even when I'm confused

Miraculously, it helps me feel better.

I'm grateful for my gift to write

So I can share my heart with you

I'm thankful for my many friends

Of course that includes you!

I'm so happy for my family

That loves me more than I know

And I'm so grateful for today

Another chance to grow.

Another day to make a difference

In this sad, yet happy world

Another moment in time

A choice that I hold.

---

written 2012

You're Not the Judge

Don't judge me by how I look

Or talk behind my back.

I may not be pretty or thin

But I am a person beyond that.

I may not be good at what you are

But I am good for me

And that's what matters in the end

Even if you'll never agree.

So if you need to stare

Just do it in your mirror

And ask yourself why

You're not ready to accept me.

---

written 2012

GOINT TO PRINT NEXT WEEK!

See this poem in print in  

Ami Living Magazine, issue #96, 

available next Wednesday!

Once Upon a Time
http://devorahspoems.blogspot.com/2011/12/once-upon-time.html

How Dare You!

I'm surprised fire hasn't burst out yet

My nostrils flare, my heart racing

I am enraged!

How dare you!

You speak to me as if

I'm a little speck of dirt

Like I'm worth no more than two cents

I'm a waste of your breath.

How dare you!

You don't even know me

Didn't stop to listen to what I had to say

Don't care and probably don't realize

How hurt you've left me

All because your inflated ego

Has carried you too high.

I assume you're stuck there

Too frightened to fall down

And realize just who you are

And face your actions.

And that honestly

You and I

Are both just struggling people

Trying to be happy and healthy

And make our world a better place.

So I'm finished being angry

And now I just feel bad

That you're confused

And hope your fall won't hurt too bad

When it happens.

---

written 2012

Nighttime Reflections

The day is over but my mind is running

Trying to find a comfortable place

So much has happened

That needs my attention

I need to slow down my pace.

What have I done today

To change my little world

What will be tomorrow

When it's time to try again

What can I say for myself

To show I really care.

Thank You G-d

For getting me through

Today.

---

written 2012

Play A New Song Today

I've got my mantra plastered to my forehead

Playing in my imaginary headphones

"FOOD IS NOT THE ANSWER!!!"

Oh,okay.

It's like bumping into the wall

Oops! You quickly turn away.

Well! -That's clearly the wrong direction!

So I stumble back and look around

Where to next?

Why am I here?

I busy myself, trying to figure that out

How I've missed it all this time

I don't even know who I am

What makes me happy

What I feel.

Food's numbed me

Helping me hide behind my hurt.

Now I'm lost

All I want is to find my way back

To where I belong

And then I can play a different song

"I'M A WINNER TODAY!!!"

---

written 2012

So You Know I'm Thinking of You

So angry 

It's so unfair

Life hurts too much.

So lonely

It's so heavy

My broken heart.

So sad

It's pathetic

Grieving the living

So long

It's been so long

Since you smiled.

So badly

It's all I wish

To make it better

So what

It's not in my hands

Pray is all I can do.

So sorry

It's not over

But I'll stay by you

So strong

It's always been you

Giving, never taking.

So, here

It's your turn

A hug

So remember

It's okay

Crying helps

And I love you

So much.

---

written 2012

I Keep Smiling to Myself!

I keep smiling to myself

As I think back

To that conversation we had.

I finally got to share

What was weighing down my heart

And you listened, really listened.

I'm so grateful that I've learned

To explain what I feel

And so thankful that you care

Enough to change.

I keep smiling to myself 

As I hum a jolly tune

I feel so rich, so full, so happy

Can't wait to share that with you too!

---

written 2012

Just Want You to Know

I tried to be good

But I seem to have failed

Every time I tried

I was blackmailed

I tried to be good

But every time I tried

I felt so shamed

I could have cried

I don’t know if you knew

How you’ve put me in pain

But your angry, harsh words

Drove me insane

I needed to be loved

To know that you care

That I’m worth something to you-

But life’s so unfair

See- Now it’s too late

I don’t care now, to try

But somehow I still do

-For me.

---

written 2003

In Loving Memory

A tingling I just can't place

I'm restless and ill at ease

I try to forget

To pretend it's not true

But my heart doesn't like that of me.

Dear, dear friend

There's so much more of you

I wish I could know

Time came for you to go

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

Nor how much I love you.

Now when I think of our visits

All we shared together

I remind myself 

That although my heart is aching

You are filled with joy

Looking down at me reassuringly 

You haven't left, after all.

---

written 2012

Why?

Why do I do

The things that I do?

Why do I feel

The feelings that I feel?

Why do I get upset-

Are things that upsetting?

Why don’t people think and feel

What I feel and think?

Why can’t they understand

That I need to be understood?

Why is it planned

To happen this way

When I happened to plan it

A different way?

But once I was told

When I work hard

To plow and sow

G-d will make sure

Things will grow

So when it’s hard

I’ll give another try

G-d makes me grow

Now I know why

---

written 2004

Apologetic Compromise

How many times can I apologize

To make you accept what I've done

I know words will never be enough

To calm you down.

You expect more from me

That I be there for you

It just never seems enough.

I feel guilty as I leave

And each moment that I'm gone.

I doubt my every decision

Is this one also wrong?

But I have many priorities

All important to me

So I'll satisify myself with a compromise

Since I am where I need to be.

---

written 2012

You Hold The Key

There's nothing more special

Than cherished memories

To hold onto

And give you comfort

When life is black.

Drift back in time

To your wonderful place

Nothing can take it away

They're there to fall back on

And help you get up

When ever you need

For they're locked in your heart

Only you hold the key

---

written 2012

My Choice

If I was given the choice to choose

From everyone whom to be

I think from all the many

Frankly- I’d choose me!

At times I feel my life’s extreme

More intense than the rest

Yet I know this is what G-d wants

For me it’s the very best

When G-d places challenges in my lap

I know it’s a package deal-

Together with each obstacle

Comes the strength to heal

More than anything, I do believe

It’s the hardships that make me strong

More than anything, I know it’s true

G-d follows me along

I’m glad I don’t need to choose

From anyone whom to be

I’m just really thankful

That I am good old me

---

written 2003

It’s Okay

It’s alright to think

It’s okay to doubt

It’s normal to question

What life’s all about

It's alright to feel
It’s okay to cry

It’s normal to fear

That someone might die.

It’s alright to wonder

It’s okay to muse 

It’s normal to disagree

When you cannot choose.

It’s alright to run

It’s okay to hide

When it’s hard to believe

That G-d’s on your side.

It’s normal to feel

Anger and pain

But accept G-d’s actions

As a message not in vain.

---

written 2006

Grant Me Another Chance

It strikes me like a lightning bolt

It's clear like a cloudless sky

It's emptiness, it's loneliness

So strange

Tear drops rain down on me

I too begin to cry

It dawns on me- this realization

I've pushed you all away

I thought I didn't need you

I was hoping for much more

I didn't care

To be your friend

Drenched through, exhausted

I search my heart for clues

It strikes me and it hurts

I've been lost inside myself

I want another chance

I want to make amends

I want to show you I do care

I miss you as my friend

---

written 2012