Deep Breaths

I want desperately to be okay,

I want to shake off the heaviness from my chest.

I want to smile, to feel joy,

But I can't get there yet.

The pain cuts so deep,

The wound's too fresh to heal.

It's raw and sore, 

I've never felt more broken.

It seems invisible to the world,

Ambiguous, so unreal.

I need to shout, so I can hear

-so I can finally believe and listen.

The pain of love, of loss,

Of isolation and despair,

Cuts my heart into pieces

I'm not convinced can be repaired.

I want to be okay, to laugh,

Enjoy the sunshine,

I want to learn to heal myself,

Give myself whatever amount of time.

I think I've found a way,

For me to be okay.

Allowing myself to stay present,

And be okay with not being okay.

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Written 2021