I wish I could apologize
And erase my mistakes
And with it, feel light and free.
Life doesn't work that way.
Pain is heavy. Pulling me down,
Down, deep.
My mind is elsewhere,
Absorbed in trying to understand,
Experiences so layered with complex feelings.
I'm distracted, trying to make sense of the world
Spinning around me.
Knives, sharp and swift.
Stabbing my heart.
Bloodless, I clean up my wounds
With nothingness,
Darkness,
Soundless.
I need time, the kind that doesn't end.
To unwind, rewind,
And wind back up;
Prepare myself
To face the faces of hurt
Of the people I love.
Soon, soon.
I just need time.
---
Written 2022
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