Sitting with the photo album,
I'm trying desperately to remember.
I want to hold on to each moment,
Keep it alive in my beating heart.
I smile at your boyish grin,
Recalling what a handful you were,
But also the epitome of authenticity
With whatever it was you thought or felt.
I felt the love in you,
Even when you were unsure how to let it out;
Us both understanding there wasn't always space
To unashamedly feel.
I feel you.
These childish memories
Are how I know you.
Our grown up years
Were filled with miles in between us.
I can't even say I know
Your favorite ice cream flavor.
It feels contradictory;
Not knowing how you spent your days,
Yet knowing you in my heart.
You're my hero-
You fought like a warrior.
The pain you held onto
Fills the universe.
The sadness in your eyes
Fills mine too.
I am honored to be your big sister.
I wish I could have seen your face more often, but-
I've always had your heart
And you have mine too,
Forever.
---
Written 2021
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