My Self Affirmation

 I quickly lose my patience,

My senses are all on fire!

My heart is racing past me

Leaving me panting,

Bent out of shape.

Feeling needed to show up,

To keep peace and stability,

Is so overwhelming,

I keep ducking for cover.

Literally.

The sounds, the movement, the lights,

Probe and push me around.

I seem too delicate to stay exposed,

I may shatter into a million pieces-

Shards of glass.

This can't be right.

This definitely feels not okay.

How damaging am I to those around me?

How do I learn to live this way?

I want to feel sane!

The guilt is eating at me,

I'm almost hollowed out.

The pain of feeling inadequate

Tortures me with self doubt.

...I start to wonder;

Is this what it means to be human?

Do we all struggle this way?

I'm embarrassed that you know me,

That I can't get dressed,

Not today or yesterday.

I've learned to switch my inner dialogue,

Force in another voice to speak too.

Make my inner battle fair,

Give myself a chance.

Speak up and speak my truth.

I don't feel real good at it,

Most times I mock this game,

But I'm playing now

Since it's all I've got.

And deep down, I believe I'm worth it.

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Written 2021