Getting Out of My Head

 It's so hard to talk

To utter the words

Because it's admitting

Just how much it hurts.

My ridicule,  blame,

Each inexcusable excuse,

Bashes me down,

My own self abuse.

Pressuring myself 

To do more than I can,

Feeling inadequate,

Because I can't. 

Trying to protect

My tormented heart.

From itself

It's ripped apart.

I'm tense, I'm quiet,

I'm listening

To each voice,

My shallow breathing.

Both voices are trying

To protect me from pain.

Just one is still unaware

Of how to reframe.

It's hard to rewire 

An old damaged machine,

But I'm going to try

Even though I will cry,

Even though it will hurt

From the electric shock,

Even though I will pull back,

And forget how to talk.

I know how this goes

And I trust that I can,

Just like I'm doing it now,

As I write out this plan.

It'll take time, 

and self respect

As I recycle, not regress

When I feel inadequate.

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Written 2022