In Loving Memory

A tingling I just can't place

I'm restless and ill at ease

I try to forget

To pretend it's not true

But my heart doesn't like that of me.

Dear, dear friend

There's so much more of you

I wish I could know

Time came for you to go

I didn't even get to say goodbye.

Nor how much I love you.

Now when I think of our visits

All we shared together

I remind myself 

That although my heart is aching

You are filled with joy

Looking down at me reassuringly 

You haven't left, after all.

---

written 2012

Why?

Why do I do

The things that I do?

Why do I feel

The feelings that I feel?

Why do I get upset-

Are things that upsetting?

Why don’t people think and feel

What I feel and think?

Why can’t they understand

That I need to be understood?

Why is it planned

To happen this way

When I happened to plan it

A different way?

But once I was told

When I work hard

To plow and sow

G-d will make sure

Things will grow

So when it’s hard

I’ll give another try

G-d makes me grow

Now I know why

---

written 2004

Apologetic Compromise

How many times can I apologize

To make you accept what I've done

I know words will never be enough

To calm you down.

You expect more from me

That I be there for you

It just never seems enough.

I feel guilty as I leave

And each moment that I'm gone.

I doubt my every decision

Is this one also wrong?

But I have many priorities

All important to me

So I'll satisify myself with a compromise

Since I am where I need to be.

---

written 2012

You Hold The Key

There's nothing more special

Than cherished memories

To hold onto

And give you comfort

When life is black.

Drift back in time

To your wonderful place

Nothing can take it away

They're there to fall back on

And help you get up

When ever you need

For they're locked in your heart

Only you hold the key

---

written 2012

My Choice

If I was given the choice to choose

From everyone whom to be

I think from all the many

Frankly- I’d choose me!

At times I feel my life’s extreme

More intense than the rest

Yet I know this is what G-d wants

For me it’s the very best

When G-d places challenges in my lap

I know it’s a package deal-

Together with each obstacle

Comes the strength to heal

More than anything, I do believe

It’s the hardships that make me strong

More than anything, I know it’s true

G-d follows me along

I’m glad I don’t need to choose

From anyone whom to be

I’m just really thankful

That I am good old me

---

written 2003

It’s Okay

It’s alright to think

It’s okay to doubt

It’s normal to question

What life’s all about

It's alright to feel
It’s okay to cry

It’s normal to fear

That someone might die.

It’s alright to wonder

It’s okay to muse 

It’s normal to disagree

When you cannot choose.

It’s alright to run

It’s okay to hide

When it’s hard to believe

That G-d’s on your side.

It’s normal to feel

Anger and pain

But accept G-d’s actions

As a message not in vain.

---

written 2006

Grant Me Another Chance

It strikes me like a lightning bolt

It's clear like a cloudless sky

It's emptiness, it's loneliness

So strange

Tear drops rain down on me

I too begin to cry

It dawns on me- this realization

I've pushed you all away

I thought I didn't need you

I was hoping for much more

I didn't care

To be your friend

Drenched through, exhausted

I search my heart for clues

It strikes me and it hurts

I've been lost inside myself

I want another chance

I want to make amends

I want to show you I do care

I miss you as my friend

---

written 2012

Pen of the Heart

I've missed you

Pen and paper

I miss that hidden place

Where I can be whatever

My chance to escape

Thoughts I didn't know I had

Appear now on my page

I've longed to write

To capture them

Without, I feel misplaced

No wonder now I'm writing

It's taken far too long

I've found a scrap of paper

For my heart to write its song

---

written 2012

Lost In Space

I'm slowing down, forgetting
Why I've come down this path
I've forgotten where I'm going
What is it that I need
I'm distracted by all these colors
That my eyes seem forced to see
I'm confused by my dreaming
Of what I think I want
I'm so torn by my fantasy
How can I not play along
But I manage to stop completely
I attempt to clear my mind
I start to wonder what happened
I've been possessed from inside
Now where should I go
How can I get back my lost time
I'm struck with my guilt
Reality does not rewind
---
written 2011

Once Upon A Time

I wonder what time can do

To my memories of you

Can it pull you out from my heart

Make me really forget?

I wouldn't even miss you

If I'd forget who you are

I wouldn't even know you

My heart from yours, so far

I wouldn't think to thank you

As I use your advice you gave

I wouldn't even know it's yours

If time can take memories away

So I write as I do wonder

As I fear it may indeed

I'll write what I remember

So time cannot succeed

---

written 2011